From cheeseheads to ‘dong bongs,’ ranking MLB’s best home run celebrations

The Brewers have made a name for themselves as a pitching-first organization in recent years, preventing runs well enough to contend but scoring sparsely. They are not a team known for offensive flair. So while their 2023 celebration is straightforward, it is nevertheless fitting. They have a cheesehead. When someone homers, they put it on that person’s head. That person then gains the highest of Wisconsin titles: Cheesehead. Get it?

Note: Slugger Rowdy Tellez, who leads the Brewers with five homers, issued a public plea this week for the team to secure a bigger cheesehead because the current model “looks like a little Cheez-It” on his head. No word yet on whether his Brewers teammates will address this concern.

The Padres are, at times, a little hectic. They are loaded with flashy stars and high hopes. They committed $340 million to a 22-year-old who proceeded to miss the entire 2022 season after getting into multiple motorcycle accidents and breaking his wrist before being suspended for the use of performance-enhancing substances (Fernando Tatis Jr. played in his first major league game since 2021 on Thursday night in Arizona).

But they have committed to the celebration bit. Last year, right-hander Joe Musgrove started taking Polaroid pictures of posing teammates after big moments. He took more than 160 such photos and hung them near the Padres’ dugout at Petco Park. This year, after the Padres made the National League Championship Series for the first time in 24 years, the tradition is back. And the Padres, who started the season under .500 through 20 games, are just as hectic as ever.

Only four teams have hit fewer homers than the Reds in 2023, which is too bad. They have not had many opportunities to showcase their new Viking-inspired celebration. The Reds place a horned helmet and a fur-lined cape on all home run heroes returning to the dugout, a tribute to those Nordic warriors who killed and pillaged their way through other people’s homelands for centuries. On second thought, Vikings may not be the most admirable inspiration for a home run celebration. Power lifters, on the other hand …

The Red Sox have long been at the forefront of celebratory innovation. Their home run laundry cart rides became the stuff of legend. They were blasting Robyn’s smash hit “Dancing on My Own” long before the Philadelphia Phillies rode its tones all the way to the World Series last year. But baseball is a “what have you done for me lately?” sport, and Boston is not sitting still.

This year, Red Sox players who homer often return to the dugout and start lifting oversized inflatable dumbbells. While no more nonsensical than any of the aforementioned home run routines, this one actually has a purpose: According to Alex Speier of the Boston Globe, the dumbbells honor Masataka Yoshida, the new Red Sox outfielder who was known as “Macho Man” while playing in Japan. That explains it, right?

The Angels — or as some (I) like to call them, the “Fighting Ohtanis” — hope a new home run celebration can help them finally make that playoff run this year. The celebration centers on a samurai helmet called a kabuto. Shohei Ohtani reportedly chose it himself. The Angels place it on the head of anyone who homers when he returns to the dugout.

The helmet has not been without controversy. It was unable to make the first road trip with the team this year, leaving the Angels without key equipment. Fortunately, clubhouse staff found a way to pack up the helmet for the Angels’ high-profile trips to Fenway Park and Yankee Stadium last week. They needed it. Two batters into their first game in New York, Ohtani homered and the helmet made its Bronx debut.

Some of these celebrations make perfect sense. Some of them do not. But the Pirates’ new celebration is decidedly on brand. Short of walking players off a makeshift plank, the Pirates chose the most Pirate-y celebration possible for the 2023 season: a sword.

But this sword is not just any sword. It gives clear cutlass vibes, perfect for Pirate-ing — and, apparently, fake beheadings (see below). While no one here condones violence in any form, the Pirates are at least named after a community with a history of pillaging and did not simply choose to emulate one, unlike at least one other team on this list. The celebration seems to be working: Somewhat surprisingly, the Pirates are tied for fourth in the majors in homers as of Friday. Last year, they were 18th.

The Braves are again legitimate World Series contenders leading a highly competitive division and making it look relatively easy. And they are making celebratory history in the process.

Building on a craze that dates to, of all places, the Washington Commanders’ locker room, Atlanta has adopted the big hat look for all who homer. Everyone looks ridiculous when they wear it, but curtain calls become downright magical when they do.

The Mariners began celebrating home runs with a massive trident, the weapon famously associated with Neptune, Roman God of the Sea (Poseidon for the Greeks). For a team named after a seafaring people, this seems like the perfect fit. Plus, just look at it. Pure dugout majesty.

If these were rankings based solely on quality of choreography, the Orioles would win. Their sprinkler celebration might just be the first example of in-game baseball performance art. But these rankings are not based on any set standards or consistent rubric whatsoever. So they had to do more.

And the young, plucky Orioles did just that, implementing a celebration that not only included the use of never-before-seen baseball props but one that started a conversation.

Earlier this month, after a Ryan Mountcastle homer, the Orioles’ dugout debuted what appeared to be a giant beer bong — the kind of apparatus you might see at a fraternity party, funneling beer instead of water. They insist it is not, as some social media critics alleged, “a dong bong” meant to mimic and celebrate binge drinking. They call it “a homer hose” and insist they aren’t trying to glorify dangerous alcohol habits.

“I’m sticking to [the name] ‘homer hose’ because when we were kids we drank out of a hose when we were playing ball in the street and having fun as kids,” pitcher Cole Irvin told the Athletic before he was optioned to the minor leagues last week. “I’m definitely not out there, you know, promoting binge drinking or anything like that. It’s primarily from a kidlike mentality of drinking out of a hose when we were kids and having fun playing the game the right way, with our friends.”

Perhaps the Orioles will eventually decide to use their creative powers for a slightly less controversial celebration. For a young, energetic team in this age of unparalleled dugout innovation, the celebratory future seems likely to be bright.